Week 19 - Shaky Ground

Confidence is a very interesting animal. Untamed, it can turn into a monster. Unused, in the animal world, probably means life expectancy isn't good. Success builds it and failure takes it away. I like to think I try to keep a level head and keep my confidence in check, but starting this journey it seems like I've only had positives. My distances keep increasing, I'm getting faster, not to mention I look awesome, you name it. This is where Big-Headitus happens (didn't go to med school, but I know this is a real condition). I'd say week 19 I hit my peak and something had to give.

The run this week took me back to my good friend the KalHaven Trail. Fresh off my success during the KalHaven Relay Race, familiar territory, of course this Superstar was going to have a great run. Started off like I normally do, a little slow to let people get ahead of me and give me something to chase, then sped up and began chasing people down. Some days you feel it and some days you don't (don't ask me to define "it"...because I have no clue). I caught the group of faster runners, got them in sight, but at that point I couldn't pull the trigger to pass them and because I didn't feel "it", decided I was content to keep pace with them. This week's run was 18 miles. Got to the turn around point, then the 13.1 mile mark. I wasn't on a record pace for myself, but it was still probably my third fastest half marathon time. Not great, but not bad either.

At about mile 15 something changed. I wouldn't say it had been easy up until this point, but suddenly it felt downright difficult. Pain started, joints ached, feet got sore, my knees felt suddenly like it was bone on bone grinding, it was awful. For the final three miles, I had to will myself to finish. I happened to go out slightly further than I had to, so I knew I'd be over 18 miles if I went all the way back to where I started. Every part of me wanted to quit because I hurt so bad, but I made myself promise I'd get to 18 miles before I stopped. True to my word, but not a foot further, once my watch read 18 miles I stopped and walked the rest of the way back.

By the time I was walking, my calves felt like they were on fire! My legs were tired anyway, but this was horrible. I thought walking it out would help, nope. Normally after the run, I take advantage of the free food waiting for us, the only thought on my mind was fear that I wouldn't be able to drive if I didn't leave then and there. I got home, the only thing that sounded good was a hot shower. As I waited for the shower to warm up, I looked at my legs and they were spasming uncontrollably.

Calves on fire, thighs looked like Jello in an earthquake, confidence down the drain! Had the marathon been today, there was no chance I could have even finished. All those successes, out the window and just like that, now there is serious doubt.