The next statement is one I've said before, you've read it before if you've read more than a couple of these blogs, and most likely I will say again. "I wish I would have trained more". I know, it sounds like a broken record. Does that a phrase that even makes sense anymore? It may be time to change that, if nothing else. What do Millennial's say when something repeats? I'm somewhat curious now, but I digress and this blog is history, not speculation and searching for answers!
Life happens. Even though history repeats, learning can still happen, and that's the story of this entry. Eight times doing something, I have a feeling what to expect and a educated guess how things will play out. Standing at the starting line, my mind knows all too well what's coming based on history, yet there is this small part that goes "what if".
The "what if" in this case, natural talent. Specifically, can that "what if" overcome other obstacles? On a day when I needed some "what if" to carry me, it was nowhere to be found. Shouldn't have surprised me, being the ninth time doing this, it's already the second time in this exact situation, where mind and heart weren't able to operate at the level I needed. It would be nice if the "what if" could step up and will the result I want from a race. Reality though, for me, when the heart is hurting and the mind is elsewhere, it makes an already difficult task that much harder.
Bang goes the gun. Making the first turn, the foreshadowing of what the day was going to bring came sooner than it ever has. Before even coming out of that turn, it was incredible to me the temperature difference of the shade versus the direct sunlight. It wasn't as if the weather was going to be overly hot, it was more the shock of how much of a difference could already be felt and the day has barely started. The plan, run as conservative as I could for as long as I can and just see what happens.
Being the ninth time, chances are you know the course. Thought I did as well, but was pleasantly surprised when we didn't make the turn into campus for the first real hill. Physically, that was a great thing. Mentally, found myself wondering, if they removed that section, what awfulness did they add, that I know don't know about for later.
Around ten miles, found a surge of energy when a woman commented that the exact song that I was playing, was also playing in her headphones. The randomness of that and the unlikely odds of that ever happening got my mind occupied with that for a few miles. That will probably be the one key moment that I'll remember from this marathon.
The halfway point, my body already began telling me that this was far enough. I certainly hoped I was going to get a bit further than this before this started. Much too far for the "what if" to even play a factor. Mentally, it was a bit like a domino, mind immediately started to spin into a dark place and it was pretty much over from here.
Fought through until about mile sixteen. At this point CT found me on her bike. Seeing her was great on one hand, but on the other hand when the mind is already in that dark place, then it only felt like I was letting her down as well. Then on top of that, knowing there were still ten miles left, it almost felt insurmountable.
The rest of the day felt like it would never end. Those were some of the longest miles I have ever done. With that said though, there was never any doubt the line would get crossed, which is weird how there was never any doubt there. But, crossing the line, know I PR'd from finishing to leaving in the car. A brief pause for some water, but that was it, time to end this day.
What if, next year is a better year?
