I haven't been pleased with my past couple of performances with my shorter races. There hasn't been a time where felt like I've given up, but at the same time I don't feel like I've given them my all. It still hasn't been quite a year since I've started racing, but I think my goals have changed quite a bit. Heck, they were simply crossing the line, alive. They switched to improving, then to hopefully placing. I don't have a big enough ego to say that I expect to place now, but does bum me out if I don't!
Something has changed. I'm sure it could be any number of things, but I think it's getting harder to see progress and I wouldn't say I'm losing motivation, but it's making me complacent. Going from one race to the next, I was shaving minutes off my times, it's not like that now. I knew that trend couldn't continue, this could be a plateau, or maybe this is as fast as I can get. I'm really not sure...yet. For being a physical activity, running has more mental elements than I ever would have guessed. In the past few races that I didn't believe I did very well, during the runs I could feel myself saying things like "this is good enough", "why try harder", "there are faster people here, you can't beat them, no need to try", very defeatist thinking. Sure, I've have plenty of conversations and battles with myself about not stopping, not giving up, on runs (probably every run to an extent), but this defeatist thinking is something new. I'd like to think these 5K's are getting easier for me, hence giving me too much time to daydream, but I highly doubt that's the case. Wherever this line of thinking came from, it's time to change it.
There are a number of different reasons why I run. As I thought about ways to change this pattern, I didn't look at the reasons why I run, but instead turned to one of my other passions, money! I always try to be responsible with my money and as I thought about paying for these races and realizing that I was running them relaxed, it actually made me mad at myself. When running, I always motivate myself by finding a villain, well spending money foolishly is evil, so this realization is the solution to my problem. I think my course is corrected now.
The first test was this week's race. Would my attitude adjustment work? I've always wanted to break a sub six minute mile, it's difficult to tell for sure because I can only roughly estimate based on the course, but I think I did it. Starting out fast is always the downfall in any race I've ran so far, but I wanted to use every ounce of adrenaline, anger, desire, I had. Mile two was slower and the humidity and heat started to set in. Mile three, the voices were there and it didn't help that a 60 year old guy passed me, but instead of the defeatist voices, the voices were saying things like "you can do it", "don't give up", "keep pushing".
I missed my PR by five seconds. Though I wasn't able to walk away with that victory this time, I think I walked way solving a problem. Oh and I also walked away with second place(again). The guy that got third was only seven seconds behind me, had I relaxed and not given 100%, the results would have been different.
No comments:
Post a Comment